Painfully

I'm always so angry, not knowing if what I want is even possible. Now that I am there, I understand the kind of things I really want to have.

It is because I understand now, everything now becomes even more painful than before.

Do you know that kind of pain?

It's best not to.

It's over

I finally understood what I have been looking for this entire time.

So much wanting, so much of what I really want. But in the end, it's just that manner of closure.

It's over, it's over. I kept telling myself it's over. But I refused to let it go.

It's just closure I lack. Not silver lining clouds.

Deep waters

It's not trepidation or excitement.

It's definitely nothing worth looking forward to.

Even a lion trembles when crossing that river for the first time.

As dense as the water looks, it is still a force. With time, rapid grows. With rapid, current forms. 

What if I drown in these unknown water?

What if I choose to remain hidden from sight forever? 

Can I just stay beneath these camouflage, forever unseen, unheard? 

Whose existence?

It's not wrong to speak your mind.

It's not wrong to listen with intent.

But i am weary of such existence.

My loneliness

"Is it possible that we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all? That's my loneliness."

I think describes the supposably emptiness within me. There is no wrong or right. There is no black or white. There is only one identity. 

You won't understand. Neither do i.

I am empty. I forever will be.

To live or to not let

The past returned nostalgia.

A short, sweet rapture.

A breathless temptation.

A simple lively gesture.

There is so much meaning to this.

This pain is existential.

This live is short.

But i don't dare to try.

It's irony.

Why?

I am not making any sense.

There is no more story in the what could have been.

Why can't i just write this story?

Running away

I just want to pack up my stuff and go on a break for a while.

I am really really tired of all these things.

Containers for dreams

Have you ever wondered how much can your own container measure up to when filled fully? 

What if you are never destined to be a well, canal, reservoir, river, lake or even the ocean?

What if you are just that one of many others, gasping for water as you desperately try to survive?