Kiang Blog

so many uncles but all the same

2012-01-30T08:43:00.002+08:00

before even starting to write this, i had to switch from my 'Gatekeepers' anime opening soundtrack to 'The Hot Gates' from 300 OST.

one day, uncle leo asked me to come to his office, saying there are some things to do. of course, as obedient as i could be, i went over to see what possibly could be up in his head, again. he sat down behind his desk, started clicking through his computer seemingly trying very hard to locate a certain file.

we all know how uncles work with computers. and the time wasted was mine as well. just when i was about to ask if i can come back later, he found that damned file.

showing me what he has found, "i have here a list of things i need you to bring back and design into a brochure."

i peered hopefully into the computer and replied almost very systematically, "yes, uncle. when do you need this?"

"3 days, all you have."

i knew very well 2d designing works are not my forte. and i knew too that this task is not going to be that easy. so i waited for more.

"the rest of the files are with uncle sufri. call him and retrieve everything from him before you start getting to work."

there you go, i thought. instead of a task, uncle leo gave me a quest. i must locate uncle sufri, who is generally known to be away for a certain course and will not return for weeks. and also, at that point in time, anyone of my calibre would know very well: i have been arrowed and its one time good one.

i asked a colleague for help. luckily he is a god damn saint. but i needed to source out all the possible materials uncle sufri might have. so i started calling him, then dropping him texts, and finally go to other people. mind you, at any point of these 3 days, uncle leo would never stop calling me to find out on the progress of the brochure. i know very well i needed to say the usual "everything is under control, uncle. don't worry."

but things were never in control. until one night, uncle sufri called giving very specific instructions. i could not be more relieved.

"hey dharf, i heard you're going to settle that brochure. good, now log into my computer. all the necessary materials can be found in there. the only thing is i will need you to get someone to do a write up for me. this will of course go up on the brochure too. but do not do it for me. just a rough sketch with good english will do.

the very sentence of 'but do not do it for me' rang out and clear down my eardrums to my brain. finally, we have an uncle different from the rest. one would not just throw his work at juniors like us.

the next day, a friend of mine called asking about the brochure.

"hey, how is the write up? is it done?"

i was taken by surprise. how did he know i was doing the brochure?
"oh yeah i am doing the brochure, but not the write up. uncle sufri said he'd do it himself."

"oh really? but i just called him and he said you will do everything."

"oh really? okay then, i will get it settled by tonight."

screw you. you are all the same.

now is the time.

2012-01-29T18:17:00.002+08:00

time to build portfolio!

moral values and ethics

2012-01-28T10:27:00.002+08:00

what would you do if the same person who cultivates moral values and ethics in you demands that you behave the opposite?

i am facing this problem right now.

you are our shame

2012-01-25T17:59:00.003+08:00

having enough encounters with enciks-whales-and-sharks in camp, i find myself really really edgy when it comes to duties.

one would take out his arrow-missile gatling gun and fires at me only. if i am away, someone else will of course get it. the other one would throw an arrow boomerang, when he wants something done but refuses to get people to do it but ultimately people still do it for him.

so much for a 'with pride, i lead', imbued on us the very day we become full fledged commanders.

no wonder the reputation of the WOSPECS are so bad until the idea of pursuing your life as a WOSPECS becomes a BIG NO NO. screw you mass chevrons holder and its evolution. our reputation is so fucking bad because of all of you.

"with pride i lead", i said it oh so proudly when i finally graduated. it's now echoing so loud in my eardrums, but tainted with the shame of my second-life forefathers.

no wonder we, your earlier life forms has to suffer the mistakes you have committed.
no wonder we, your predecessors has to shun away from the very sight of you.
no wonder we, the bearer of minimum chevrons hates your very existence.

it's really no wonder at all.
no worries though, we are still going to make changes.
because i am nothing like you.

this is it.

2012-01-24T19:43:00.003+08:00

now is the time

the hellium balloon.

2012-01-24T07:54:00.003+08:00

when you were a kid,
have you not been given a helium filled balloon, tied to a string and told to hold on tight?

steamboat frenzy

2012-01-22T20:00:00.002+08:00

3 days before chinese new year.
pre-celebration with the e3s and f4 at bugis for steamboat.

2 days before chinese new year.
steamboat lunch at shaun's with boonpoh, jeremy h, potong, ah hai and ah boo.

chinese new year's eve.
steamboat dinner with family at batam.

haha. urgh.
steamboat. steamboat. steamboat. steamboat.
steamboat. steamboat. steamboat. steamboat.
it's not even new year's yet.

i am a fucking specialist

2012-01-20T15:23:00.002+08:00

it has been a hectic and crazy three days.
i am really really glad that all things finally falls into place according to my own little book of happy ending.
i am really really grateful that you are still able to pursue what you want.
i am really really contented that i was able to make it happen, due to my lowly rank and status in the army.
and i am really really thankful that i have made the right choices.

"Thanks a lot sgt. Really thanks a lot. U are the most awesome sgt in the world. W/O your help, I won't be on the cab making my way to safti. I promise you i will do my best in ocs and will not oot unless i break my leg or hand. Thanks again sgt. Really thanks."

Looking at the appreciation really spurred me on and on and i did not even mind when it delayed my own personal life. At least, I was able to change something that i really really care for, my very own platoon's recruit, as a fucking specialist.

Outsiders even ask me, why am i doing this? I am just the Platoon Sergeant. But sia lah, i told them in their face,"If not me, then who?".

With Pride We Lead.
KOTMF

beyond my power

2012-01-16T22:05:00.002+08:00

it has been a grueling 5 months.
i never knew what was power.
i always thought i had the power to change things.
but it is not enough.
and it will never be.

i guess some things really can't be helped eh.
if it's beyond me, it really is beyond me.

section outings

2012-01-12T14:11:00.002+08:00

its like playing with a bunch of kids.
only crazier, rougher and madder.

Letting it go

2012-01-10T23:25:00.002+08:00

This is a dedication to for your loss.
First of all, I'm sorry that i couldn't be there when you were feeling down.
But seeing your latest post at least makes me feel that you are coping well.
And for that i am but a little relieved.

I hope that emptiness will not be a matter of eternity.
Please, please, please be strong.
And if you can't, let me know.
Because I'll be there.

another greatest perks as a commander

2012-01-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

your appreciation is my motivation

2012-01-08T08:00:00.005+08:00

one of the best perks commanders will ever have is
the appreciation from your men and how far you have influenced them.
I strongly believe that if i ever sign on,
this is going to be why.

POP LOH!

2012-01-07T22:14:00.001+08:00

Dearest Platoon 3,

19 weeks has passed and i hope it has been meaningful. Ours is a big family of matreps, lousy prospects, queen of the battlefield, lost people, monkey shits, high flyer angkats, fucking sluts, gay masseurs, musketeers, big heads, baby k and hao, backstab buddies, whining bitches, eng tsai, people who refuses to smile, ah tai, ah hai, family, bunny and friends, best armskote worker, angmoh, bobby, popo, complain king, pinoy, potong, underwear parader, princess, saboh king, sausage lips and of course, awesome commanders.

It has been a pleasure and honor to have ever trained you in the platoon. You are my first batch of recruits, and it has not been easy. Through out your stay in Bronco, i have tried my best to make your time here as memorable as possible. Hopefully your 19 weeks has been meaningful. if you ever come back to Tekong for a visit or mission, please come to Bronco and visit us.

I sincerely apologize if there are still any unresolved issues you have with me. Wherever you go, please continue to train hard. It is up to you to make your 2 years worthwhile.

But don't forget your roots in Bronco Platoon 3. Why? Because we are awesome.

From your awesome PCT
(and quoted from PTE JEREMY HONG)
KING OF THE MIND FUCKS.

story of rosa

2012-01-01T11:23:00.003+08:00

something i will never want to forget.
because we won first place.

it's the first day

2012-01-01T11:15:00.002+08:00

it's the first day of 2012.
as i wake up, i do now understand why i have such a heavy heart.
it's perhaps i still have some unfinished business left.
or maybe it's because of the fact i sleep too much.

anyway, may this year be a good one.
i can't say for sure it it will be, but who knows?
only can hope for the best.

story of rosa

2011-12-29T21:31:00.001+08:00

42 casts and crew.
18 weeks of training.

29 December 2011.
we won NE presentation, first place.

all the embarassing dance steps.
all the singing auditions.
all the acting rehearsals.
all the props and wardrobe testing.
all the story brain-storming.

it has all finally paid off.
good job, team rosa.

im not a dog

2011-12-17T10:18:00.000+08:00

i swear, i really think donut is part bunny.

what is our relationship

2011-12-16T11:58:00.003+08:00

the urge to sign on,
just for life security is getting more and more appealing.
but if i really do, i will just be giving myself into a life time of unwanted works.
and casting away hopes and dreams i have been chasing.
this, i guess is the usual question between your dream and reality.
i never though i would ever be so confused with such issue.
the answer is actually pretty clear.
it's just that i have too much fear to choose.

plus, the community is far too much a fucked up place.
the relationship between bars and chevrons are plain abysmal.
it has always been claimed that it is a partnership.
but practising what they preach never occurs.

we are the roots that has to be hidden underground, beneath sights.
while you are the leaves that basks ever proudly in sunlight.
this is the way it is. we will always be the inferior.
but we are not.

it does not pay.

2011-12-04T15:36:00.003+08:00

the rite of passage is indeed a cruel thing.
of course, we could easily argue that we are training soldiers.
but as often as we would like to do that,
i have always wondered what were once, before what we are now.
were we once that weak in the mind?
were we once that weak physically?
or were we once that weak altogether?

i tried to see the best in everybody.
but what i could see at the end are colors, usually hidden beneath sights.
as much as i try to fight this vicious cycle,
i constantly find myself swept to each downfall by vermin tongues and villainous hands.
i have had enough.

it does not pay to be kind.

forgetting yourself

2011-11-19T14:56:00.002+08:00

i flared up like some crazy guy and made my recruit cry.
i did not enforce standard that my recruits start to do play pattern.
i neglected my duties and got one of my recruit sent to medical centre.
i almost cried on my recruit's dramatic phone conversation with his girlfriend.
i did so much things that i have already forgotten who i am to begin with.

signing on my life

2011-11-12T00:14:00.002+08:00

i got yelled at this afternoon.
it sucks.

but i gotta suck it up.

Footloose: Film Review

2011-11-07T20:00:00.004+08:00

If you ever think that Footloose is nothing but another version of the Step Up series, then you're wrong. Unlike its predecessors, Footloose is actually a remake of the 1984 film.

It's content is so much more than just dancing, moves and loud music. Footloose takes a step further into the narrative and has her leading couple fighting for their rights to dance.

The whole story sets in a small town where group dancing and loud music are illegal due to the past unfortunate accident. What is it? If i say it, i might as well just spoil the film for you. In my experience of the 117 minutes, i do not know if it was intentional by the filmmaker, i had the impression of coming horror, similar to those of Final Destinations, at least twice in the film.

The amount of dances are adequate if you ask me. They are all mild if compared to the most professional moves in Step Up or Stomp The Yard. Their choreography are all very chirpy, very energizing and not tense at all. I prefer this much more than what we always see in dancing content films.

Our little Ariel, the female lead is more than just a pretty face. Her aggression in the film were most convincing on her part, when she went crazy and took on a guy thrice her size. What happened? She got whooped up real bad of course.

As an overall, Footloose is fine as it is. It's cinematography is not excellent not perfect. I'm not saying i can do better. It's just that i don't think it is at its peak at all. The storyline in it has good values. I like it. My friends like it. That's what i think.

2359: Film Review

2011-11-06T05:39:00.008+08:00

2359 is set in 1982, in a military training facility on an island near singapore. One who have served their time before would immediately know the island as Pulau Tekong.

The story is made up of all legends and stories army personnel would know. Name the apex/jacob ladders, the unfortunate route march accident or the chin up bar difficulty, all these are depicted fictitiously within the film itself.

I myself, is a commander in Pulau Tekong. I also have heard my share of the stories, told by the most experienced enciks. So upon watching the film, i would easily find my fear within minutes. I doubt the ladies would have the same issue.

At the same time of course, i would come to mock the ridiculousness of the army life within the film. First thing is, how can a route march have no front and rear scout, and only one sergeant around?

2359 is nowhere near the point of horrific experience if compared to Japanese classics like The Ring or Kakashi. But of course, one would argue that the film is actually not bad for a local production considering the production value.

Mark Lee works against the mood of the film, not in a bad way. His character is serious yet gives audience silly laughter.

Ah Beng is the film probably is the best among all the young stars. He is the most convincing, so real that i feel like punching his face. Chester or Jeremy? Their pretty face and hard rock abs are reason enough for girls to come gawking.

The film feels really short and the ending is quite disappointing and predictable.

But on the good side, the film stayed true to its quality shots. No cheap effects were employed at all, keeping the film from grasp of B-Rating. It's also pretty entertaining with the rising mystery and suspense. Although the ending doesn't really pay off, but ultimately it still works.

the most awesome aftermath

2011-11-04T10:35:00.003+08:00

thanks to everyone who cared to wish or make any forms of wish.
although things did not start really well, but it definitely ends the best.
5 birthday cakes on a weekend of birthdays is really awesome.
and i'm really glad that that much of people cared.

i'd like to thank dad, mom, novia, bro, nicole, melvin, weijie, bixia, fuyi, boonleong, xinyi, shuhong, peiling, jianwen, saywee, yangyou, zach, xiaowei, joei, moe, jiasheng, ivan, marco, winston, wilson, troy, meng, jiantao, arsyad, arshad, ali, pradeep, nash, oc bronco, don, sherwin, clifton, brian, daniel, junjie, rock, khairi, navas, tyron, w. leonard, carson, yunweng, yang jun, yuhwang, w. leong, rizal, hadi and all my recruits especially platoon 3.
(i'm sure there;s more. but i can't remember all)

thanks for the kbox sing along celebration.
thanks for the very tiring celebration outside vivo city through the night.
thanks for the ferry over celebration and steamboat.
thanks for the surprise at sbl and wonderful swim.
thanks for the 'stand by area' plot and stun by platoon 3 recruits.

this year's 23 is awesome to the max.

it has always been

2011-10-29T21:36:00.001+08:00

my heart has long died.

it sucks

2011-10-23T16:24:00.000+08:00

running sucks.
but i do it anyway.

the one burning day with the army boys

2011-10-16T15:05:00.004+08:00

it was hot. it was dry.
the sand was burning.
there's the gladiator challenge.
there's the mini carnival games.
but all of us hid under the nice little coconut leave shaped shadows.

it was a great day, i think.
a bit boring though.
hey, at least our hats looked really cool.

awesome one, bronco boys.

the army thinking

2011-10-09T01:37:00.002+08:00

my first group of boys pop-ed.
although it was just 3 weeks with them, but i can feel the 'letting-go' part lightly.
maybe i'm just too sensitive.
i guess i will be a weeny bit emo when my bronco boys pop.

it's less than a year to ORD and i'm already having withdrawal symptoms.
guess i'm too attached to army and the way it works now.
everything seems fun and i don't really need to worry about other things going on outside.
perhaps it's not too bad an idea to sign on, just for the money.

all the pre-enlistees out there.
army is not so bad a place after all.

film the gathering

2011-09-25T10:36:00.003+08:00

last night was what i thought people meant when they say those were the days huh.
all of us sat down by the long table, talking about the first ever films we made.
laughing our asses off, thinking of the most ridiculous things we have ever done.
everything has been magical for them.

congrats, psof 2011 level 3 graduates.
i think you guys are the best among the rest so far.
awesome job, good one.

i know i should have done this better

2011-09-17T10:24:00.002+08:00

each time i look at this person face, i;d go
"man, if only i worked that much harder. it could have just been me."

every time without fail, without success, i always find myself in this circle of misery.
"shit, if only i paid that extra effort in this. if only i stayed true a little bit more."

i'm sick of such shit hole where things does not go well all the time.
"if only i did not give up so soon."

i've gotta nail this one down, make it my last effort.

buh bye friend

2011-09-16T18:22:00.001+08:00

buh bye benson.
i know i wrote this too late.

then again, it's the thought that counts the most right?
will miss your non-stop yapping around my ears.

immense craving

2011-08-21T16:17:00.000+08:00

where is the best place for chicken rice?

damn awful

2011-08-13T18:38:00.000+08:00

i feel damn awful these days.

it feels good to see you fine

2011-08-06T03:08:00.000+08:00

yupp, yufei is back on his feet again.
thank god for his speedy recovery.

but life is not going ever smoothly in camp now.
crap is going to come. lots of it.

his condition is finally stable

2011-07-30T18:54:00.002+08:00

was waiting for him to get out of the operation theater and observation room after the fall.
saw and talked to his parents.
they seemed very very scared, especially his mum.
that actually made me thought about the other time i fell and broke my head.

i didn't know what to do much but simplest gestures that could help aid in the process of waiting.
we all sat there for almost 4 hours in silence, staring at each other.
as the doctor came out with news,
i won't deny how happy i was to hear that his condition is finally stable.
not forgetting to mention his parents of course.

we went in to see him.
he could barely move his eyes.
but at the very least he was able to give me some reactions when i asked if he was okay.
thank god for his recovery.

get well soon yufei, haha.
we'll see you again soon man.

but hey, it's fuckin tiring!

2011-07-30T00:56:00.002+08:00

it was fucking tiring but hey, we won first place.
although yufei is like severely injured, but hey at least he's stable now.
one shag moment, make that moments of shagness from cycling.

cheers, bronco boys.

a little doubt

2011-07-24T11:56:00.002+08:00

i don't know if i will like this place or not man.

smelly urine smell

2011-07-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

the legendary chao lo hiams

falling off the most dangerous place

2011-07-12T20:54:00.002+08:00

early in the morning today around 6am,
while i was making my way down to camp, something happened.

i was playing my psp, on escalator heading up.
out of the blue when i looked up to check if i've reached,
an old man is halfway falling off the escalator.
a lady was behind her, but she was not able to support his weight.
so she fell off with him.

directly behind this lady was me.
i was fucking shocked but quickly supported the both of them.
it was a little heavy for me,
luckily someone behind gave me a push at my back.

i was able to hold them off from falling to hell.
at the end of the escalator, the lady thanked me countless.
i helped the old man up, BUT.
he scolded me:
'i told you all to keep left! the right side is for people to go up!'
before walking off in his stupid rage.
so much for helping out eh.

anyway, i didn't know how he fell.
i was behind him all along.

a night's out together

2011-07-10T13:51:00.001+08:00

i wanna go on a late nights out with a couple of friends.
just to chill out a bit and probably have a fulfilling supper.
it's a little hard,
but let's aim for one shall we?

it was so hot

2011-07-09T20:10:00.000+08:00

went to sentosa with zach, joie, jiasheng, alex, thony, winston and shijie.
it's been a while since i had a sentosa outing with such number.

there were plenty of things to see.
that's s for sure.
haha i'll gladly share these analogues, if you're willing to listen..
in person.

don't you all miss thailand?

2011-07-04T13:16:00.001+08:00

i miss thailand too.
not the heat. not the trainings. not the harshness too.
but i miss everything as a whole.

my childishness

2011-07-02T11:38:00.002+08:00

i should stop using this blog as a form of confrontation or verbal assaults.
it's time to grow out of it.
i am getting a tad too old for this kind of thing.
my apologies for the stupid things.
but i doubt that will ever change a thing.
yeahh, cheers.

a night with tomyum and pasta

2011-06-30T22:33:00.004+08:00

thaddeus and yu hwang

the menu's tom yum seafood soup and spaghetti with chicken sausage.
it turns out harder than it seems to cook.
i didn't do anything but create havoc though.
oh that's me in the reflection with the laptop.

cheers.

me and my heck care attitude

2011-06-27T21:08:00.000+08:00

if you really think so, then so be it.

one proud moment

2011-06-27T06:23:00.002+08:00

this is probably one of the days i am proud of myself.
anyway, as i marched into the parade square,
my heart squealed with pride even though it pounded like mad.

every little details of the parade matters now.
i know all of you are watching,
and i cannot afford any mistakes!

i survived through this entire infantry sergeant course which by the way,
is supposed to be easy.
it was hell, and i am sure the rest agreed with me.

tekong, here i come!

ready for war

2011-06-18T18:58:00.002+08:00

juliet company
platoon 3 section 4

i'm gonna graduate as a specialist soon.
hard for myself to believe that i am almost ready to go to war.
everything has been quite hectic thought, if you ask.
i'm gonna miss the rest of you.

nothing special

2011-06-12T04:37:00.002+08:00

jealousy or envy to see, i don't know.
they stood there waiting, anxiously for sons, brothers and friends' return.
hugs, cheers and kisses were shared upon sights.
family and friends helped with their baggage.
he bragged about his adventures.
everyone listened.
off they went home.

i came out to an empty crowd.
taxi driver uncle helped me with mine.
off i went home.

when you do some thinking

2011-05-21T11:02:00.000+08:00

it's thailand in a couple of hours.
i'm seriously dreading this, but well.
as i do this, another over 400 cadets are unwilling to go too.
why should i be dreading this much then?
on the bright side, i might get to see 'jenny'.
this legendary camp canteen icon that i have been hearing so much.
i wonder how he/she looks like.
i don't even know if he/she is a he/she.

anyway, i'll be away for 3 weeks like i mentioned.
and this page is probably going to be empty again.
i'll try my best to keep it up whenever possible.
damn it, i hate this trip.

oh ya, folks.
my graduation parade falls on the 24th june 2011.
anyone attending have to be seated by 5.30pm, at the leaders square.
of course, if you are interested to come, let me know alright?
i hate sending invites.
but i love people coming to look-see a little.

note for novia:
please buy a lot of polaroid films.
i kinda ran out during my pop parade.
anyone please remind her?

okay, i guess this is good bye now.
only i'll be at home waiting for my time to reach the airport.
cheers to me and everyone else.
buh-bye.

it's almost coming to an end in this chapter

2011-05-14T15:52:00.002+08:00

without all of us realizing,
i am almost done with scs and the troublesome things to be sergeant.
i'm leaving for thailand in a week's time.
and i'll be gone for 3 weeks.
i'm not so sure if there're any accessible internet connections or phone lines there.
perhaps it's a better idea to be out of reach for this 21 days.
things will make a big change again, the moment i touch-down singapore.

i hate changes so much.
and i hate everything the army has done to me.

All my shorts

2011-05-08T23:11:00.003+08:00

I've been into films for a few years.
But what do u have up til now?

Going Home

The Fabulous Baker Boys Scene 135

A Different Him

I have nothing much on my own.
I need to work harder.
Come on, COMING HOME!

Grand Slam is over!

2011-05-07T17:26:00.000+08:00

field camp is finally over again.
it was really pushing beyond our limits, both mentally and physically.
thanks to people who cared, wahh your messaged sure gave me more strength.

GRAND SLAM!

2011-05-02T17:46:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna be on field camp training tomorrow!
It's going to be a good 5 days until election day.
So guys, i'll really appreciate it maybe if you can drop me texts of encouragement any of these weekdays! Thanks a million, my friends.

Hope i survive!

a short look on your life

2011-05-01T10:08:00.002+08:00

i looked back on my previous posts.
and saw that i have not been happy for some time.
i might not show much but thanks to those who ever asked.
i want to not think so much about all these now.
i wonder why, but i have lost half my motivation to go back filming.
and perhaps to just sign on with the army for an easier life.

this is ridiculous.
i swallowed all that i ever felt was hurting.
i have written tonnes of self-depressing notes.
i have sworn to myself to never turn this page bitter.
but i did it anyway, and i wonder why i could not resist the bitter temptation.

it's about the time to be happier, at least for now.
come on, give myself a smile.

it won't stop raining

2011-04-24T16:01:00.004+08:00

when will this rain ever stop?

it probably never will.

it's so blinding.

2011-04-23T15:13:00.001+08:00

why am i always this lethargic?
why am i always this temperamental?

when will i ever see through this blinding light?

this probably won't reach you.

2011-04-22T12:06:00.003+08:00

we didn't start off best friends.
we took more than a year to trust one another.
we believed in one another so much, they think we are couple.
maybe, up until now.
things have changed, but i assure you it never did for me.

why do of all people, of all i know,
you are the one who have to say such things?
i don't have much to say anymore.
if such is the way you have decided,

i sent something to your emails.
i haven't finished it yet.
it was supposed to be a surprise, but well.
take it as a farewell gift.
i never knew we wouldn't last.

finally, farewell.
from your friend.
not best, not good, just a friend.

the post about pink ic

2011-04-17T11:39:00.002+08:00

after serving the last 6 months,
i am suddenly called into the company office in the middle of training.
i seldom have such events in camp, since i follow the army law so religiously.
then again, maybe something i did here and there was wrong,
thus i am going to be punished.

when i reached the office,
the clerk passed me a letter that probably is going to change my life forever.
i am finally offered citizenship in this place.
i have no idea if i'm going to take it or not.
i still have months to think about it, therefore i am going to leave it for a while.

readers from batam, who comes across this post.
please do not relay this message to anyone at all.
i repeat: none at all.
keep it to yourselves, i do not want any spotlights on this.
many many thanks.

so if this is friendship to you, then i have nothing to say.

2011-04-16T18:21:00.003+08:00

you have no idea how tired it is to be standing here,
looking at all these things you wrote.
if the way you think revolves around being used, being exploited and being thrown aside.
then perhaps, that's how you want things to be.

if you think one can dictate the kind of person one is,
then i have nothing to say.
you have your own set of religious thinking.
and i have mine too.

if they differ, which obviously they do, then what?
you simply set your verdict and cast your punishments without other thoughts.

haven't i always tell you, there are always 2 sides to every stories?
have you heard anything from my side?
have you not heard what i have been saying for the past few years?

if you prefer me to call and use nothing but words to assure our friendship.
then i am not up to it.
i am not up to your petty standards of being a friend.
i believe in being there when things go wrong.
and i have done my best.
but i don't think you care anyway.
why should i even bother, when you are now venting your anger on your petty space?

so if this is friendship to you, then i have nothing to say.
let's end this the way you always do, your way.

adios.

the last post was so long ago!

2011-04-10T00:11:00.002+08:00

it's been awfully long yet i still have nothing much to say.
other than army, army, army.
few more days are going to be senior's birthday.

but i think i'd better wish you now.
just in case: i won't be able to on the actual day!
happy birthday, bixia.
we are getting older aren't we?

23 already, soon 24 then 25 then 26 until we hit the number 3!
haha, it's all good.
as long as our hearts stay young lah!

the only image!

2011-03-27T13:17:00.003+08:00

slight fever on my forehead yet i still wants to head out to do something.
only that i don't have that kind of energy.
in the midst of editing now, but here's a short preview for those who are interested!
this is perhaps the only image i'm allowed to post up.

post production all the time

2011-03-26T19:16:00.003+08:00

check out this screenshot on my computer.
finally i am doing something related to my work in army.
apparently they made me the media in charge of the company,
thus i get to run around with a camera and take pictures as i like.
this feels a little liberating during training i must say.

as of now, i have finally found the ways to pursue my motivation in training.
i do not know how, but i think i will be able to make it out of the course.
i'm gonna get 3 chevrons in between my rib-cage soon!
just pray that everything is going to be alright.

midnight update in camp

2011-03-23T23:24:00.002+08:00

it's been more than a week ever since the last time i blogged.
so much things happened, and within this short period of time,
i actually missed out novia and dad's birthday.
who can i blame though, now that i am imprisoned within the walls of SAF?
this sucks so bad, i want to book out man.

new course in army has gone for about a week.
yet, i can't seem to find myself adjusting to the new environment.
it's basically the same bunk, but whole set of different mates.
they're all fine.
and my buddy seems okay too.
but i'm not too sure about the course though.
i found my motivation to move on.
but i cannot seem to hold on to it at all.
i guess this is what the rest would mean by so near yet so far.

folks back at batam, if you do see this.
please make my life less miserable and bring me some pop-mie goreng as well as snacks and drinks.

all the preparation

2011-03-15T23:14:00.003+08:00

uniforms packed neatly into my bag.
cup noodles and chocolate bars in a paper bag.
accessories and necessities in a plastic bag.
mp3 player loaded with 475 songs and 225 videos.
phone left to charge til the next day.
had kfc for dinner to my fill.
drank pepsi with ice til i can't stand up.
turned on the air-conditioner of my room.
set the alarm on my phone.
preparing to switch off laptop and lights,
good night, all the people i miss.
this is going to be long, once more.

book in lor.

reality is coming

2011-03-14T18:40:00.000+08:00

was away at batam for a short 4 days stay.
things has indefinitely made me fitter, thanks to all the heavy meals.
i got myself a newly strung up guitar, plus some other things to bring into camp.

it's back to reality in about 12 hours, guys!
hang on, boys.
hopefully this won't suck at all.
in 4 months baby, we'll be something different.

happy white day, boys.

the kinds of night life

2011-03-12T13:11:00.010+08:00

i had the opportunity of going to a bar last night, amber 21 @ boat quay.

it probably is not a big deal to most of you, but hey yesterday was my first visit to such places.
although it's kinda surprising because i've always thought that i'll never go out and drink, plus even if there is a first time, it will be with the e3s.

boo, e3s buay on lar. haha.
chill dude, i know our rationale.

anyway, as the night grows and our alcohol level rises, extreme-highness starts loosening up some knots. and then actions became uncontrollable.
it was crazy. we laughed, we drank, we played.
and toilet trips were increased at least three folds.

all of a sudden, it's all up to your friends to decide what will happen to you until the next morning.
maybe i am making a big hoo haa out of this.
but cut me some slack, it is my first time out there.
and strangely, it is was fun. really!

but anyway it was great lah, pegasus platoon 2.
cheers, haha.

moment of indulgence

2011-03-11T14:52:00.002+08:00

maybe it was a moment of impulse, but i got myself an ipod classic yesterday.
not too bad, black in color, 160gb.
and along with it are some free goodies like loudspeakers and the standard stuff.
but i feel guilty for my samsung mp3 player. haha.
it felt like betrayal but samsung will understand.

now i feel like getting a new guitar.
but i have spent so much already on this spending spree.
we'll see how, i guess.

shagness in the air

2011-03-10T08:45:00.002+08:00

completed my first course to be a sergeant.
28km is hell-like i assure you.
for those who have walked with me, thanks for being there.

once again, it was separation for a while yesterday.
i was emotional once more.
then again, i should not be.
it is a good thing for most of them.

it will be an even worse hell with the coming weeks.
the heck with it, i will make it.

own remedy

2011-03-05T11:41:00.002+08:00

to ease my stress levels in army serving,
i actually bought my self a little book.
'james and the giant peach'

hopefully it will help me re-live my dreams of an ignorant teenager who doesn't have to worry about anything but o levels.
time sure flies, i'm 23 this year.

god damn it.

Editing!

2011-03-03T22:34:00.001+08:00

Since i have the time now, i will continue Coming Home's edit tomorrow!

Coming Home: When can finish??!?

2011-02-27T15:59:00.002+08:00

when will i finish 'coming home'?

so much army time passed

2011-02-26T11:43:00.004+08:00

It's been almost 2 weeks,
and yes, i've been in camp for the god damn long time.
once more, i had to stay out in the field, sleep in a hole, eat food with heavy preservatives and carry heavy loads that kills my back faster than anything else.

nonetheless, i survived all that and apparently i was told that i did not a bad job, in fact a good job in there. i'm not sure how true is that information but kudos to that if it's true right?

anyway, i have some stories to share about my fresh experience in the field.
i actually had the opportunity to be the section commander of the team and had to work in hand with another.
it was the most shag moment in my life, i must say.
not because of the workload, but the rapid decrease of teammates in my group.
from a 7 men team, i was reduced to 4 including myself.

i seeked help from other teams who had their original strength and received nothing but empty promises. in the end, i was the only one left to pick up all the pieces.
i learn things the hard way this time, never trust someone you don't know well to begin with.
it was so shag that i couldn't even find the time to rest and had to carry on with the next day's mission back-to-back.

all these, still are not the worst thing that happened.
right after the these trainings, i found myself losing 3 good friends who has been fighting along side with me ever since BMT.
they didn't die: they just got put out of course.
it was the most demoralizing and painful moment in my entire army life.
what happened to passing out together?
i don't know anymore.

oh ya, i was told that i ranked no.5 in my entire company.
and the first when it comes to peer evaluation with score of 99.8%.
no thought of crossing over yet.
i have no idea how it happened, but i'm not at all happy about it.
i just want everything back the way it used to be.
is it that hard?

all the missing

2011-02-13T03:58:00.005+08:00

don't you all miss the good times?
i miss everyone whoever laughed together with me.
push on, guys.

19 months more to go.
76 weeks more to go.
532 more days to go.
12768 more hours to go.
766080 more minutes to go.
45964800 more seconds to go.

so much more to ORD.

what do you miss the most?

2011-02-09T22:30:00.004+08:00

within this short period of three days, i have actually done alot of new things. enough new things to last my entire year, i think.
i fired the actual MATADOR HEAT weapon, (it's something like the rocket launcher, but smaller) and basically its for destroying tanks.

i also managed to learn the proper ways of using a compass, pacer, protractor and map. this is something i never thought i will understand my entire life!

on top of that, i am about to survive half the time of my scs course.
time really flies and i miss you pegasus lot.
it's just a few days from home, and i already miss so much of it.

i miss singing, filming, thinking of stories when there is nothing to do.

i miss my freedom.
but never mind, i am doing this for you.
at least, that's what i think.
you always say he brings nothing but shame to us.
i thought that was true.
but is that really the truth?
it has always been one part of your stories.
sometimes what i believe in is not what i believe in anymore.
i don't know how to think this through.

best friend, good friend and friend

2011-02-05T12:30:00.002+08:00

i was talking to one of my peers during my march the other day,
and i wonder why: somehow i referred me as his good friend.
of course it's a good thing.
it's just that i didn't see it coming at all.

having good friends are better than nothing right.
at the very least, i know i have one more person to rely on when all things fail.

cheers.

when i was a kid

2011-02-04T14:36:00.005+08:00

I look at my brother now and frowns at his future ambitions and dreams.
I must say, some of it like being a world class badminton players are commendable.

Then again, he just told me he wants to be a professional wrestler. Haha, it's not like there's something wrong with it.
I just find it funny looking at his size, that's all.

Haha, who am i to judge him though?
I too, when i was a kid, had the weirdest beliefs and naivety.

i thought i had superpowers like phoenix from x-men.

i asked dad if whales are as evil as sharks, since they bite human.
dad told me whales will swallow me as a whole.

i actually believed my friends when they told me there was a vampire on the loose.

some kids are just that naive okay.

Chinese New Year Resolution

2011-02-03T12:24:00.005+08:00

I ran through some of my blog posts and what the hell, it has been pretty emo down the list.
It's chinese new year! The hell with all the stupid things.
Bring on the goodies!
Let's get fat, if i can!

Mere disappointment

2011-02-02T23:43:00.001+08:00

Once more, it's all disappointment.
I'm never upset with what you think.
It's just that why can't you just ask me first before anything happens?

It's not that hard, isn't it?

Topographic Hell

2011-02-02T09:17:00.002+08:00

It was just a short exercise yet people are mainly facing difficulties from the wretched slopes and mud all over the terrain.

People were desperate yet others cleared the exercise with much ease.
It was pretty fortunate of me to be able to tackle it quick too.
Navigation is such a pain in the ass though.
Working with maps, compass, pacer and protractor is not fun at all.

Enough about all that, i'm now in my short chinese new year break.
Thanks to whoever who set the date official.
Then again, even though i'm on holiday: I pathetically still have to prepare for my next book in.

I'm now the coming Range Sergeant Major, NE Skid IC.
Lots of headached but well, if i happen to survive this, it'll of course be a good experience.
That is, if i survive it.

all the regrets

2011-01-22T19:12:00.001+08:00

i've lived with too much regrets.
i will not have myself looking at new ones, anymore.

it's nothing like what you think

2011-01-18T21:00:00.003+08:00

who says SCS is slack?
there are so much things to do and i already know that 2 of my saturdays are burnt to crisp.
i kinda hate it here already.
no wonder people always say BMT is the best. i kinda get it now.
i miss everyone, hope they are doing well.
logging off soon, gotta sleep in about 25 minutes.
things are really really getting out of hand.

anyway, with so much empty air in my head i actually got started to thinking about things.
alot of things alot of things. alot of things.
of course when i'm not thinking, i tend to doze off during lessons,
which is not a good thing. at all. at all. at all.
confinement is like around the corner, it's jsut who gets it first.

long series of packing!

2011-01-16T11:56:00.003+08:00

just before i go into my new school.
i just realized something really really depressing.
oh my fucking hell the god, i gotta re-pack all the book in items.
oh my god, isn't this great?

err.. anyway.
i'm already working on a new script which i am planning to shoot within this year!
hopefully army won't be too much in the way.

anyway, the story is about relationship between this 2 person.
i haven't develop the entire structure and storyline yet.
but let's just say its all about memories eh?

i am going to be your sergeant

2011-01-15T02:27:00.002+08:00

as of now, i will be training as a specialist cadet.
in other words, a 3rd sergeant in rank!
it's gonna be a little depressing since i'm technically starting ns life all over again.
hopefully my buddy will be great, as good as sai.
someone to take care of my drawbacks.

anyway, with this new road to go in camp.
i'm now left with nothing but 2 choices.

choice 1?
fight hard, train hard and learn hard. for what?
crash OCS or even obtain golden/silver bayonet.

choice 2?
relax jack, lepak watch tele tubbies in camp.
wait until i pass out as a 3rd sergeant.

well. seriously?
i have no idea, any advice?

the next place to go

2011-01-14T04:02:00.001+08:00

It's 6 hours to know where i'm going next.
A little depressing, but well.
Things can't be helped, right?

14 hours to the platoon's gathering. Can't wait for it.

those nice pictures

2011-01-11T09:11:00.001+08:00

I'm looking for a scanner to post my POP polaroid pictures!
ANYONE HAS ONE?

The time after we POP!

2011-01-08T13:05:00.005+08:00

Finally after 4 months of BMTC training, i am no longer a chao recruit. I probably should not be too happy about this since i am still one of the lowest life forms in SAF.

Anyway, i have learned a lot of things from this period of time. I have made some good companions who are willing to be on my side when things go wrong. I also have seen things people always talk about in army life. Selfishness, blur-cocks, fucked up individuals, OSCAR awards and many more.
Nevertheless, all these are finally over. However, i have some words i would like to say. I guess putting it up here would be good enough.

I would like to take the time and this space to specially thank my buddy who immediately disappeared after the graduation parade. Fuck you asshole, we should at least take a picture.
I consider myself fucking lucky to actually made pair up with you for the past 4 months. I really don't think i will be able to make it until now without your support, Sai.

You are able to cover what i lack and on top of that, you are capable of most things required. What else can i ask for right? So i guess the indonesian-burmese partnership has officially ended. Once more, thanks sai for the unconditioned help and the endless vulgarities. Stay in one piece out there.

Then comes some section mates who has been very supportive, especially xiaowei and andrew in no particular order. I am deeply thankful for the help, care and concern you guys have shown when dark clouds are all over my head.

When shit happens, who else would come other than the both of you? Haha, cheers man, You guys rock too. I doubt field camp would be this manageable if not for you xiaowei and i don't think 24km route march would have been easier without you, andrew.
So i guess, BMT is not as shiong you would think when you have brothers who look out for you.

I might not have the best work out there but i would like to thank those who believed in me or even think that i am capable in various courses. People like yanzhong, yeh, calvin, henghong, victor, jiahaos, fangyann, zhicong, gz, soo hui, sean, zach, sm, mark, hafiz and the list goes a long way. Thanks for believing in the best in me, even when i am doubting myself.

You guys might not remember what you said, but i managed to pick up traces of encouragement from your words. And for that, i am sincerely grateful. I hope to see everyone of you again, hopefully in the same unit.

Finally, for the fuckers who don't care or even give a shit. I really doubt you will survive the next phase of army life. Given your pathetic mindset, you might as well just go and die.

So this is for my expression of gratitude. So long, guys.

Resolutions?

2010-12-31T18:06:00.002+08:00

I can't really remember what i wanted to accomplish for 2010.
But i am pretty sure i did not get everything i wanted.

Anyway, for 2011.
I want to be a commander by the end of next year.
I hope that i will like whatever i am doing by 31 December 2011.
I want to win something with my own short film.
I want to make a new short film.
I want to be bigger in size.
I want to be with you whenever i can.

That's all for now.

my first duty

2010-12-31T17:29:00.000+08:00

And so it comes, my very first guard duty....on new year's eve.

how different are we?

2010-12-26T16:07:00.002+08:00

just when you thought it's gonna be a long weekend,
then comes something that destroys it.
guard duties on new year's eve.
it's bad enough that i am going to countdown in tekong resort.
but i still gotta stay in on new year's day itself?

ever since in the army,
i have countless told myself to look at things on the brighter side.
so i guess this one is no exception.
let's see.
err..
if this one doesn't kill me, then i will become stronger?

what crap. i don't know.
i'm getting more and more tired with all the happening things.
and i'm starting to understand how you ever felt during your time.
but i'll try my best not to behave the same way.
we are different from the start to begin with.

i have given myself to much hope for this.
have i?

i miss all of it

2010-12-19T16:40:00.002+08:00

Where have all the fun gone?

I miss batam.
I miss basketball.
I miss bbq parties.
I miss e3 gathering.
I miss making film.
I miss kbox sessions.
I miss staying out late.
I miss staying overs.
I miss simple overseas trips.
I miss dinner together.
I miss random supper.
I miss prawning at night.
I miss getting high over coca cola.
I miss 3 flowers and e3 gang cohesion.
I miss laughing really hard together over nothing.
I miss slapping each other without reason and anger.
I miss you the most.

Coming To The End Of Phase One

2010-12-18T11:31:00.002+08:00

BMT is finally coming to an end pretty soon. And i have no slightest idea what should i be doing next. I seriously wonder where am i going to be posted to, given my current pattern. Plus, i think we all are going to miss the life in bunk.

Made some good friend who stayed with me til the end and had some experience with people who totally disgusts me. No wonder people say this is the kind of thing we will be seeing in the army. I had my share of experience til now already.

Soon i will be parading on the floating platform at Marina Bay. Catch me there on 8th January 2010 guys.

Names to give

2010-12-12T15:00:00.003+08:00

One day, when i get married and have children.
I'm gonna name my boys Daryl, Darren and Daniel.

To make them a little unique, maybe a middle name like:
Daryl Travius Kiang
Darren Trevor Kiang
Daniel Travers Kiang

I have no idea why, but i think its pretty cool.
And my wife can decide on the chinese names.
Okay, i'm crazy.

Rainbow formed

2010-12-12T11:28:00.003+08:00

I'm sure you guys witnessed the sudden 60s downpour yesterday afternoon.
it was so heavy that i can barely see buildings outside.
However, within a while a rainbow formed right in front of my house.
Never seen one so up close before, haha.

Beautiful, right?

The 600th Post

2010-12-11T10:43:00.005+08:00

This is my 600th entry in this blog.
Proud of myself for keeping it up and thanks to those who came to read even once in a while.

Aside thing from NS.

2010-11-28T18:07:00.002+08:00

Enough of NS ranting for now.
I have been having kfc for dinner for the past few weekends.
This is super unhealthy. Need to do more exercise already.

I stayed at home the whole day.
Donut's with me, he can vouch for that.
Anyway, this is for those who missed or haven't seen him for a while

I think he has gotten much cuter these days.
He better thank god for that, if not he would have been long bashed to death with all the mistakes he made.
Things like peeing on my blanket, tearing off socks or tissue boxes or even destroying electrical appliances.
By the way, anyone wants to look after donut for this coming december end? We need some help since i will be in camp and my family abroad.
Let me know okay?

Don't worry, donut's a good boy.

It's finally over.

2010-11-27T23:30:00.002+08:00

I don't know if i should say it has been a blink of an eye.
Field camp is finally over and yeah like what people always say: it's fucked up.
I honestly couldn't agree more.

True colors began showing, people refusing to cooperate.
My knees began to give in while my head seemingly to be in endless sweating state.
I dug my shellscrape, i went through artillery drills.
My foot began to rot while my hands began to sore.
We were constantly fucked by sergeants for lack of teamwork,
and timing to meet seems tighter and tighter as time goes.

It has been hard, it really does.
But, i'm proud to say this to myself.
I survived field camp.

I am ready to go

2010-11-21T15:11:00.003+08:00

In my smart 4 now and my field pack is full of the right necessities.
I'm setting off now to learn and survive the long waited field camp.
I'm not sure how will i fare, or how will i turn out in the end within this 5 days.

The best thing i have now is faith in self and my platoon.
I really hope we can make it.

quick look of self before field camp.

It's all coming in one shot

2010-11-17T10:26:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry to bore you all with the NS stuff. But that's the only thing i do now.
BMT actually has been pretty much manageable. I am actually doing pretty well, much to what i have been expecting of myself.

On this 2 months, i have gotten my marksmanship, silver IPPT, became the platoon IC and going to be the platoon IC during field camp again.
However, despite all this we all still kena pump once in a while.

And when this happens the fatigue goes beyond exhaustion, our sweat forming a pool on the ground, our hand trembles holding the prolonged push up position and our faces burning tolerating the commanders infinite lecture.

I'm very tired, yet there is still the need to push on.
i miss filming so much.

I'm tired.

2010-11-17T00:31:00.000+08:00

Okay, i'm tired already.